One Step Forward

Time to Begin Again

2009-08-19T18:58:00.000-07:00

Wow, it has been a long time since I have last blogged. There is so much that has happened in life, but for some reason I have had a lack of wanting to share. I have been loving life, but have desperately not wanted to sit and blog. I really don't know why it has seemed like such a chore to me, but nonetheless it has been something that I have avoided like the plague. So I sit here wondering if I need to recount what has happened in life over the last few months, detailing events and trips, people and relationships. I think that there could be some benefit in that, but at the same time I am more excited about the future, so I have come to the conclusion that I will start from the here and now. I will start from the new crazy, amazing, scary and exciting stage in my life that I am in. I have met the man of my dreams and am getting married in 36 days I will be Mrs. Anthony Ronhaar. I am so excited, yet with so much to do and so many people to please I want to run away and hide. So from this point on I am going to share about my life and what is happening in this, one of the biggest transitions in my life.

The Places Jesus has never visited

2009-05-04T14:52:00.000-07:00

At the beginning of April we took a group of students to Southern California for a mission trip to Skid Row in LA. While on this trip we decided to being Jesus (a picture of him) with us and allow him to visit some of the sites with us. While on this excursion we thought that we would introduce Jesus to places that he has never been allowed to visit before. Here is a little video documenting this trip. Stuart will take you and Jesus on a tour of the places Jesus has never visited. Oh and just a side note. Please know that this may be a little sarcastic and cynical so please don't take offense or if you do...I'm sorry.

The small joys

2009-05-03T22:05:00.000-07:00

So last night I flew back into Seattle from San Francisco after a two day, one night trip to check out the city and learn about our mission trip that we are taking there this summer. When we landed in Seattle and I turned my phone back on i received a text from one of my students that just filled me with joy. It made my heart leap and brought a smile to my face. The text was from one of our girls that I love dearly. It read

"So I felt like informing you that at Ventus I learned that God is my interior designer and he is getting rid of my tacky wallpaper and replacing it with designer."

I know that this may sound a little odd to you, but for me it was God opening a door into the heart of a student I have been praying for for a long time. It was God working in the life of a student who has been so overwhelmed with the world and looking good and having the the things that she thinks will make her happy. It was God showing Himself to one of the most high maintenance girls I have ever met. It was and is truly amazing. I am so excited to see where this goes and how God moves. I have to admit that I was a little sad that I missed the Ventus service and wasn't a part of the conversation, but I can say that I am excited to be a part of this process and it is exciting how God can move in ways we would never think about. I mean seriously who would think that interior designing would be the way to a students heart.
Thank you Lord for how you move, thank you for how you show yourself and thank you for being absolutely majestic.

Blah

2009-03-18T17:43:00.001-07:00

So, I haven't really wanted to blog lately. There has been so much happening and I just have felt overwhelmed with where to start or what to blog about. I don't really know what is interesting to the people who are reading my blog. I don't know what you want to know about. Is it daily life? Or ministry? Is it my thoughts on church? What should I be writing about? What do you want to hear? Please help me by giving me something, anything to help me want to write and share again. I'm stuck and need your assistance.

Interviews

2009-02-07T22:24:00.000-08:00

Thursday night was our annual fundraising banquet. For this year's banquet Stuart put together some interviews of some of our girls and how they have been impacted. Please take the time to watch this video and see how God is impacting the lives of students here in Arlington.

If you would like to know more about what is happening here in Arlington check out our website at http://www.yd.org/communities/arlington/
Also, if you would like to be a part of what is happening here in Arlington please consider joining my monthly support team by going to http://www.yd.org/communities/arlington/staff/jessica_maher/239/ . Please consider helping me stay here in Arlington to live life with these amazing students.

Tonight is the Night

2009-02-05T09:30:00.000-08:00

Tonight is our big night. It is our annual fundraising banquet. This year we have having some awesome dessert catered by Christie Kroeze. Please be in prayer for this event as we are striving to raise money to send kinds on trips, support the local ministry here in Arlington and support ourselves. Please pray that God's hand will be on this event, that lives will be touched and that people will see the value and need for Youth Dynamics. Here is a link to our article in the local paper.
http://www.pnwlocalnews.com/north_sound/arl/lifestyle/38915839.html

What are the consequences?

2009-02-02T10:14:00.001-08:00

This picture of olympic superstar Michael Phelps came about this week in a Tabloid magazine. He posted this statement

"I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment," Phelps said in a statement released by Octagon, his management firm, and posted on his Facebook site. "I'm 23 years old, and despite the successes I have had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner that people have come to expect from me. For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public - it will not happen again."

So what are your thoughts? What do you think needs to happen? I know that being a swim and water polo coach for many years I had many high school students that I worked with that looked up to Michael Phelps and many the high school girls with crushes on Michael Phelps...so what is it? Do we accepts it as a mistake? He is young and we all make mistakes. Should be be punished for something dumb?

Emotions

2009-01-27T08:27:00.000-08:00

Today, I am feeling a little emotional. There are an array of feelings, thoughts, desires, and decisions that are traveling through my head at amazing rates of speed. It is hard to even pin down exactly what I am feeling because of the vastness of what is going through my head. I am feeling a little lonely wishing for that time and place to have someone to sit and talk to, to share frustrations, joys and life with. I am feeling excited for the up coming season with trips and students, training and planning. I am burdened with the thought of taking a semester off of school to save money and keep myself out of more debt. I am hopeful for the future and the joy that seems to hold on even when it doesn't make sense. And this is where I sit this morning. Excited for the next few days with other staff, hoping for some time of reflection, rest and refreshment; stressed over the next week and getting ready for the banquet; hopeful that conversations will lead to relationships; frustrated in people not making sense and thankful that I am able to feel, hope, think, cry and love. Thank you Lord for feelings and emotions. Thank you for the life you have provided and continue to provide. Thank you for the opportunities you have placed in my life and the people I have been blessed with knowing. Thank you.

HotDoggin 09

2009-01-20T10:20:00.000-08:00

This last weekend was HotDoggin 09, Youth Dynamics first annual Westside snow retreat. One aspect of this retreat was the nightly game of Hotdog Vs. Mustard. In this game two of our students dressed up as Hotdog and Mustard. Here is the theme song and opening video of this event.

Lack of enthusiasm

2009-01-16T16:00:00.000-08:00

Alright, so I am here to apologize once again for my lack of blogging. I always seems to have fantastic intentions that somehow die because of my lack of enthusiasm. I seem to sit down many days to write and find myself not wanting to or thinking that what I would write about would really be of no interest to anyone, but myself. (I think that I need to get over that) So, once again I am going to try to enter into the blog world. I am going to work on blogging more regularly about what is happening in life and in ministry. Alot has happened since Christmas and I will write about all of that as soon as I get back from this long weekend of snow, games and hotdogs. At 7pm tonight students will arrive at Arlington United Church to spend the night and tomorrow morning at 8:30 am we will leave Arlington for our first annual Hotdoggin event. There will be 80 students, some adults, lots of hotdogs and a good time. I will let you know all about it when we get back. Please be praying for us and the 10 students that we are taking with us as well as the other Youth Dynamics areas that will be bringing students. Please pray that they will have a good time, that they will experience God and that everyone is safe. Alright, well I am off for a crazy weekend.

Merry Christmas

2008-12-25T11:52:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas!!! Let's remember the reason for this day, the real reason. Not presents or food, not even family or friends. Let's really remember the Life, Hope and Majesty that needs to be remembered on this day. So many times we forget, so let's remember, rejoice and reflect.

Let it Snow

2008-12-17T13:35:00.001-08:00

It's snowing here in Arlington and it doesn't look like it is going to stop any time soon. I decided to go to work this morning and all that I can say is that I am glad that I made it and I'm glad that I made it home. I know that there are people who drive in snow all the time that is alot worse than what we have here, but being a girl from Orange County driving in the snow is not my forte. I am learning though and this year I seem to be liking the snow alot more than I did last year. My dog, Eli, thinks that snow is the greatest thing ever!!!

Hot, Hot, Hot

2008-12-16T10:23:00.000-08:00

While I was back in California last week for my Grandpa's funeral, some of our volunteers here in Arlington has a habanero pepper eating contest. I watched this and laughed so hard that I was crying. The best part was the picture that was sent to me in California while at the funeral of Kenny crying from the pain of the pepper. This is awesome!!!!

One Down

2008-12-11T08:37:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was an interesting day. Brunch with the family wasn't as awkward as I thought, but it is interesting seeing family that you haven't seen in over 10 years. My cousins have gotten married and had kids and it s just weird. Anyway it was great to hang out for the day with my cousins who are now 40 or around there. It is so weird to me that they are that old. Not that that is old, it is just out of the context that I had for them. My aunts and uncles never seem to change and it is just slightly weird trying to explain life for the last 10 years. It was good though.

I still don't understand why we have viewings. What is the point really? I felt bad thought because nobody came, so we sat there and waited for 4 hours until it was time to go home. I have to admit that I didn't even go into the room with the body. There is something about that that just doesn't seem right to. Why do we go in and look at a dead body and that gives us closure? I think that I can have closure on my own thanks. The sad thing is that nobody in my family is really upset. After talking to people I have come to realize that my whole family thinks that my grandpa was a little off and not always the nicest man in the world. I'm glad that is wasn't just me or my family, but everyone. This is still interesting because my grandpa had a strange obsession with me and everyone keeps commenting on it. It wasn't my fault. I'll tell you that right now. I never asked for my grandpa to try to kidnap me or follow me home from school.

Anyway, today is the funeral. I'm afraid that nobody is going to be there for that either. So, it is funeral, graveside service and family gathering afterword. We have to go through pictures and deal with other things, and because my mom isn't here I have to take her spot in responsibility. It is a little weird. Anyway, I just really can't wait to go home. It has been good to see family, but I am ready to be back to my life and this is funny to say, but the place that I have grown to love in Arlington.

So today I am off to a funeral and I feel bad because I am not sad and crying or anything else. I feel bed because I don't have anything to say about how great of a grandpa he was. I more feel a sense of relief that he isn't going to show up at my house or at work. That I am not looking on street corners for him. It sounds bad, but I am a little happy. I know it sounds a little demented, but I never claimed to be normal. I just hope that I don't upset people with my lack of emotion, but then nobody else seems to be torn up either. I think everyone feels a sense of relief. I know it is weird, but my family is really messed up. Well, here goes another day of weirdness. Then tomorrow I get to go home to the freezing cold of Arlington.

Interesting Times

2008-12-10T09:17:00.000-08:00

Well this week I am home in Orange County for my grandfather's funeral. He passed away suddenly last Wednesday morning. Since the phone call last Thursday morning life has bee very interesting. Let me give you a little background on the situation. My family doesn't really talk to my mom, or she doesn't talk to them, because of this I have been out of contact with this side of my family for the last 10 years. I have talked to them on and off over this time, but nothing more than "Hi, I live in Washington." I did talk to my grandpa, but lost contact with him about 6 months ago. He stayed on my support team, but I couldn't find him. Come to find out in this time he had moved from Iowa back to California. Who knew?

Anyway, these past few days have somehow made the the liaison between my mother and the rest of the family. This has not been a good situation. My mom and sister, for their own reasons, aren't coming to the funeral which leaves me alone with these people that I barely know. This morning I am off to brunch with the family. (I didn't even know that brunch was a real thing) This is going to be an awkward couple of days. I have to spend time and socialize with people who are my family, but I really don't have the first clue as to who they are as people. I have to go to my grandfather's funeral and am honestly not a grieved as I feel I should be. I also have to deal with the will crap. All that I know about this is that I don't want to be in the middle of a bad situation with my mom and the rest of the family. Needless to say I have very mixed feelings about the next few days. I am excited to hopefully develop relationships with my family, I am sad that my grandpa is gone, I am confused about everything and nervous to step into an unknown situation. Please be praying that everything goes well.

How

2008-12-08T16:30:00.000-08:00

Alright, so this might sound cryptic, but I will try to be as open as I can without exposing too much. I want to tell someone something. How I really feel, but I have come to realize that the social structures that we have would make that very awkward. We are already awkward as it is and saying this would either lead to more awkwardness or it could lead to potential goodness. I don't know. I always thought that by the time I was 27 I wouldn't feel so awkward about telling people my feelings on things. Oh well, I don't know what to do or if I will ever figure it out. IF anyone has any suggestions let me know.

Ventus

2008-11-25T09:03:00.001-08:00

Saturday night at Ventus was an awesome experience. A time that really confirmed, at least in my heart, what we are do ing in Arlington. Our students stepped forward and accepted the challenge to change their lives, to hold to accountability and to pray. The time ended in a time of prayer over these students. It was truly amazing and confirming.

Egg Nog

2008-11-20T18:25:00.000-08:00

We have a couple of kids that really love egg nog, I mean love egg nog. So we decided to honor their love and have an egg nog chugging contest. It was pretty awesome!!!

Party Like It's My Birthday

2008-11-18T17:09:00.001-08:00

So today I turn 27. Yes I am now 27 do I look any older?

Frustration

2008-11-12T16:25:00.000-08:00

So, over the past few weeks I have been a little frustrated. Frustrated about school, finances, friends, family; pretty much just frustrated about life. I haven't really thought much about it, just that it was part of the season and that it would go away. I figured that it was something that I was dealing with and that just had to play itself out. Apparently, though, my frustration was and is more evident than I realized. Today I had a friend sit me down and let me know that it is showing. I never realized that it was that evident to other people, that I was pretty much taking it out on other people, through the comments that I make, the tone that I respond in and even my lack of response. I don't want to be this person. I don't want to come across as frustrated and angry. I don't want it to rub off on other people. I want people to feel loved by me, by what I say and what I do. I want to be joyful, funny and kind. I want to be Christ to the people that I meet. So, I talked with my friend and we came to a few conclusions.
1. Life isn't going to be perfect. I can't let my circumstances get the best of me though. I need to trust that God is at work.
2. I need to find a worthy nemesis in my life. What does that mean? It means that I am finding people in my life to be the "evil" instead of dealing. If I am really going to have a nemesis it needs to be a darn good one and the one that I have right now isn't equal to my efforts. Therefore...no more nemesis.
3. I need to focus on what I am passionate about:
- Journeying peacefully with Christ, learning, trusting and resting in Him
- Teens, students- I love them and desperately desire for them to have and experience love, grace and peace in their lives.
- Community- I desire to be a part of a loving, open and authentic community
- Financial stability/lack of debt- That means that I work toward finishing support
In order to focus on what I am passionate about I need to let go and not blame the things that get in the way. I need to rest in the Lord and know that He is bigger than I can ever imagine and know that frustration isn't going to get me anywhere. Love, Grace and Peace need to be the focus, not frustration, anger and resentment. Therefore today I take the first step in letting go, realizing that I can't change other people, but I can change myself. Yes, people may get on my nerves and I may not agree with them, but I can love them and if I love them I am living out the passions that have been placed inside me.

Love

2008-11-04T19:03:00.000-08:00

And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.
Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us. Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, so it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other.

In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you. If your gift is serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, teach well. If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging. If it is giving, give generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly.

Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying. When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you. Don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them. Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all!

Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.

Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say,

“I will take revenge;
I will pay them back,”
says the Lord.

Instead,

“If your enemies are hungry, feed them.
If they are thirsty, give them something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap
burning coals of shame on their heads.”

Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.
Romans 12

I have been reading Romans over the past week and keep going back to this passage over and over again. What has hit me is how we love. Do I love with genuine affection? Do I love the way I should love? Do we as a people love the way we have been called to love? How can we do this? What does it take to share this type of love with people? And my ultimate question how can I teach the students that I work with to love? I mean really love?

Any thoughts?

Milk

2008-10-26T17:30:00.000-07:00

So I had to share this. Stuart took video the other day of one of our students chugging some milk...the only problem was that the expiration date was June 10th and we found the milk on October 23rd. It was an amazing experience that I thought you all should partake in. Enjoy

Roller Coaster

2008-10-20T18:15:00.000-07:00

The past few weeks have been really hard for me. It is like I have been on an emotional roller coaster. Going up and down, twisting and turning and as soon as I think that it is over, it changes directions and goes backwards back through the ups and downs, twists and turns. I'm tired now. I feel like I'm at that point where I just want off. I don't want to be on the ride anymore.
Over the past few weeks I have been hit hard with a few things. I was hit pretty hard with the reality of my support raising. This has been a constant struggle for me over the past year and a couple of weeks ago all the frustration came full circle and the realization of the relationship between support and time with the kids became reality.
Over this time I have also been hit hard with the realization that I am lonely. I miss my friends and family terribly. I think that it has been more frustrating because I have tried to befriend people here and it seems to be more work than it is worth. I haven't been able to find people to spend time with that really just allow me to be me. You know those people that you can just be with and there are no expectations. You don't worry about what you are going to say or what you do, but you are just completely you. I miss those friends so much that it hurts. I miss people that feel safe, that I'm not afraid of saying something that is going to offend them.
This is not to say that I don't have friends, but it just isn't the same. The people that I really do fit with and feel safe with are at a different place in life than I am. All the people that I click with are married and don't have the freedom to just hang out and spend time together. There are kids and spouses that need their time and I love that, but at the same time I feel the desperate need for people. I have never really had to try to make friends, I have always had a great group of some of the greatest friends someone could ever ask for and they are still my friends, but from two states away. That changes things.
All this to say, I miss people, I miss connections, I miss the safety of being able to do or say anything. I really do feel lonely in a way I never have before. I love being here and I love my job, but I really would love some real friends, people to connect with. I guess that I just need to keep putting the effort into friendships.

Air

2008-10-15T14:23:00.000-07:00

Dear Lord,
Today I am tired, worn out and feel that I have finally lost my grip. I feel as if I am drowning, grasping at anything I can in search of something safe to hold onto. Something solid, something that will allow me to take in the fresh air that I so desperatly need. I feel like I get small gulps of air here and there that allow me to keep going a little longer, that allow my fight to continue, but it is getting harder and harder to muster the strength to continue trying. I'm tired and ready to rest, but rest ultimately means giving up and I stil feel the fight deep inside of me coming from somewhere that I can't explain, but every time I am about to give in that small gulp of air comes.

Lord, I need you and only you. I need you to be my strength, that something solid. I'm tired and lonely and don't know where to go from here. Please, please dear Lord, help. Breath your beauty, life, energy and strength back into me.

Prayer

2008-09-19T15:12:00.000-07:00

I would like to ask you to please join me in prayer. One thing that I have learned over the past year is that as a family we need to be open and honest with each other with our joys as well as our burdens. I have learned that we are not called to carry the burdens of life on our own, but take them to each other as a community and allow each of us to learn and grow in all things. So today I am coming to you open and vulnerable asking you as the people in my life to pray.

The past week has been very hard for me. I have been drained emotionally, physically and spiritually. I know that God is leading us at Arlington Youth Dynamics in a new direction as the school year has begun, which is awesome and wonderful, but has also been hard. As Ventus (our Saturday night service) has begun there has been an air of anticipation and excitement around the office and among the students. It has been awesome watching them experience God in ways that they have not before, for them to see and experience the glory and beauty of the Lord, this process has also challenged me to learn to “be” with the Lord more. If I am expecting the students to be reverent before the Lord and understand the majesty of His holiness, I must also do the same. In this process I have learned that I don’t know how to be still, I have a hard time being quiet and most of all I don’t allow the time for this even if I wanted to. Most of this is do to a fear that I have of finances. I am terrified of money, debt and everything else that comes with it and with that have taken on a second job trying to make ends meet until my support raising is finished. As of now I have $750 per month to raise to be at 100% supported. This amount of money terrifies me, keeps me awake at night and honestly has contributed to me not resting.

This is just me trying to be open, honesty and vulnerable with you, my family. Please be praying. Please be praying that I will learn the line of responsibility of finances and the line of trusting in God. Please be praying that this last $750 per month comes in soon, that people will see how God really is working here in Arlington and would really want to be a part of what is happening here. Please be in prayer that the time and effort that I put into these students will be intentional, real and honest. Please be in prayer that I will learn to “be” in life.

Thank you all for everything. Thank you for believing that the Lord can move and can be heard in those small quiet places, thank you for your prayers and support. Most of all thank you for being a part of my life, I truly love you all. Thank You.